


Starting Over

by gregs



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 00:56:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3999802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gregs/pseuds/gregs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan moves to Miami to start over</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gotta Be Somebody

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Spoilers for “Under the Influence”
> 
> A/N: This will be a series based on the lyrics from numerous songs, the song title will be the chapter title
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them I just play with them

This time I wonder what it feels like  
To find the one in this life   
The one we all dream of  
But dreams just aren’t enough  
So I’ll be waiting for the real thing  
I’ll know it by the feeling   
The moment when we’re meeting  
Will play out like a scene   
Straight off the silver screen  
So, I’ll be holdin’ my breath  
Right up to the end  
Until that moment when  
I find the one to spend forever with.

 

Ryan looked one last time around the condo he had shared with his boyfriend of 6 years, before picking up the last bag from beside the door. He was leaving behind a lot of memories, both good and bad, as well as his family and friends. But after finding out that his partner had been cheating for the last 6months but was too much of a coward to tell him that it was over, he just felt it was time to go. He was a little apprehensive about it, and really didn’t know how he was going to manage stepping out of his comfort zone but he had to start somewhere.

Locking the door for the last time and sliding the key back through the mail slot, he let the tears that he been trying so hard to keep in, fall down his face. This was not how it was to go, they where suppose to be together forever. Ryan was not one to believe in fairy tales, but this had felt like a fairytale only to find he had woken up to a nightmare. 

Ryan had met Chad at a seminar his first year at Boston University, and they had hit it off right away. At first it was just hanging out for coffee, study groups and the occasional movie night with mutual friends. It had been the best 3 months Ryan had ever had, then Chad had asked him out on an official date and he had fallen hard. They became attached at the hip and even moved in together that first summer.

A lot of people thought that they made a cute couple; Chad being 5 years older than Ryan only made the younger man feel that more loved and cared for. Chad doted on Ryan, making sure he was taking care of himself and not working too hard. After he had graduated with his undergraduate in Chemistry, Ryan was thinking of continuing his education and go after his masters in Genetics. At the time he thought that Chad would be supportive and help him like he had before. That had been a year ago, and then it all fell apart.

Ryan had taken a trip to Miami to visit his uncle for a week and when he got back his life as he knew it was over. He had planned on surprising his boyfriend by catching an earlier flight but it was him who got the surprise. He had pulled up in a cab and noticed a friend’s car in their parking space, not thinking much about it he had walked up to his front door. The site that greeted him was one that was burned into is mind forever. 

~ Flashback ~

“Honey I’m home.” Ryan sang out as he opened the front door of the condo they had bought 2 years ago. Putting his bag down and dropping his keys on the console the young man headed into the living room. “Chad?”

“Ryan?” The undignified squeak said from the couch, “What are you doing home?”

Stopping just inside the doorway of the living room, Ryan took in the disheveled look of his boyfriend and the other person in the room. “What’s going on here?” he asked, a lot calmer than he felt.

“It’s not what it looks like Ry.” Chad tried to explain as he untangled himself from the other person and got off the couch. “I wasn’t expecting you home till tomorrow.”

“I can see that.” he answered, choking back the lump in his throat. “So, how long has this been going on?”

“Has what been going on? Charlene just came over to watch a movie and have pizza. She thought I would be lonely without you here.” he said, trying to cover a very obvious erection, tenting his pants.

“And I bet she made you forget about being lonely.” the younger man said as he headed for the bedroom. Grabbing the extra suitcase out of the closet, he started pulling Chad’s clothes out of the dresser and closet. 

“Ryan, what are you doing?” the older man asked as he tried to stop what Ryan was doing.

“What does it look like? I’m helping you get your stuff together so that you can spend more time with Charlene. As in not here and not with me.” 

“Ryan, baby, don’t do this.” Chad said, running a hand over the others back.

“Just go.” he said, with more force than he felt.

~ End Flashback ~

That had been three weeks ago, and now he was heading to Miami to stay with his Uncle Ron and hopefully start over. He was still planning on doing his Masters in genetics but now he was going to work for a year first. He didn’t understand how it all had gone to pot, he knew that what he had felt for Chad had not been love at first site, but he still had loved him. He kept racking his brain to see if there had been any clue as to what he had done wrong and when if there was anything he could have done different. But he kept coming up with the same thing, it wasn’t his fault and there was someone else out there for him. He hoped so, because he really didn’t want to be alone.

Walking down the loading ramp and onto the plane, he said his final good bye to the city he grew up in and the past he just wanted to forget.

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there  
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares  
Someone to love with my life in their hands  
Gotta be somebody for me like that

Cause nobody wants to go it on their own  
Everybody wants to know there are not alone  
Somebody else feels the same somewhere  
Gotta be somebody for me out there.

A year after his arrival in Miami, Ryan was walking around the mall cursing the season that found him here to begin with. How he hated Valentine’s Day, not that it really should matter; he knew a lot of people that were alone on this, the epitome of coupledom. But Ryan just felt empty this year, and so alone.

He had called Chad a couple weeks after he had left, only to be greeted by a female voice on the answering machine stating that the couple where away on a holiday. He had cried for hours afterwards. Some piece of him had hoped that there was still a chance, but it was made very clear when a check arrived in the amount of his half of the condo purchase.

So here he was wandering around on his day off, in the mall that was filled with couples and decorations proclaiming love. Was it too much to ask that he could get even a glimpse of that love? Was there no one who could take the darkness from his heart? 

He had wanted to start his masters this September, but had gone to the police academy instead, surprising himself when he graduated at the top of his class. Now here he was on his day off, wandering around an overly packed mall, nearly tripping over a few otherwise occupied couples.

He should have taken his uncle’s offer for a day on the water, swimming and snorkeling. But no, he had to prove to himself that he was not slowly dieing on the inside. He was trying to get on with his life and you would think that after a year it would seem to be getting easier but it wasn’t.

He just wanted to find that someone that would make it all better. He wanted to know what it felt like to really be loved by someone and not used. Sure, Chad had loved him at some point but there was this part of Ryan that kept insisting that he was just a convenience for their entire relationship. Someone dependable and that would always be faithful. And that sucked, the young man thought and not in a good way. 

He wandered around a couple more hours before giving up and heading back to the condo he was sharing with his uncle. Once home, he paced, feeling restless and unsettled about the day, so he got dressed and headed for the nearest club he knew. If he couldn’t have Mr. Right, then he would settle for Mr. Right Now.

Arriving at Club Desire, Ryan parked his car and paid the door fee to get in. He glanced around and spotted a couple regulars that he knew before heading to the bar. 

“Hey Mickey, can I get a Monkey’s Lunch.” the young brunet called over the thumping of the music.

“Sure Ryan, what brings you here tonight, thought you where going out with Ron.” the large bartender asked, handing over the banana liqueur concoction.

“Decided to stay home and sulk.” he responded with a laugh.

“So, who’s catching your fancy tonight? You know that Patrick isn’t around for the next few months as he went on that African trip.” Mickey said, wiping his hands on a towel as he leaned against the bar.

“Not tonight Mike. Just didn’t want to be alone.” Ryan said, turning his back on the dance floor.

Smiling at the attractive young man in front of him, the bartender laid a hand on his shoulder, “Well I’m here if you want me.”

Smiling in return at his friend, Ryan finished his drink before ordering something stronger. It was closing time before Ryan hauled his body off the stool that he had been occupying for the last few hours and waved at Mike.

“I’m out of here Mickey. See you next week.”

“Hold up there buddy. You know my rules, if you can’t walk a straight line, then it’s a cab for you.”

After proving that he was sober enough to drive, Ryan made his way home. After going through his normal nightly routine, he went to bed, only to let the despair wash over him and take him into an unsettled sleep.

Tonight  
Out on the street, out in the moonlight  
And, damn it, this feels too right  
It's just like de ja vu  
Me standin' here with you

So I'll be holdin' my breath  
Could this be the end?  
Is it that moment when  
I find the one that I'll spend forever with?

Ryan straightened out his uniform that morning, hoping to keep his breakfast down. He had an interview that afternoon on his lunch break with Lt Caine, the supervisor of the day shift CSI’s. He had applied a few months ago but had been told that there were no openings at that time, but that his application would be kept on file for 6months. That had been four months ago and now there was an opening, although under the circumstances he wasn’t all that sure about taking the spot now.

It had happened about three weeks ago, that Lt Caine had lost one of his own on the job. Apparently it had been a malfunctioning service weapon that was one of the factors involved. He had been warned by a few patrol officers that the day shift CSI’s were a tight knit group who had closed in tighter around themselves with the death of Timothy “Speed” Speedle. Ryan had done his research, and felt that he knew enough about them, that he could make a good impression. But even knowing that left him a jumbled up ball of nerves.

The young patrol officer had just left a little coffee shop on the corner at the back of the shopping center when the call came in; someone had taken a header into an oncoming bus. He radioed in and since he was the closest, had arrived first on the scene. After setting up the perimeter, he turned to get the eyewitness accounts of what had happened. He was almost all the way through when he saw the familiar white van and silver Hummer arrive at the scene. 

It was almost fascinating watching that teamwork. The ME, Alexx Woods, was carefully doing her preliminary findings report as Lt Caine stood listening. The tall, Cuban who approached the pair, Ryan recognized from his work photo to be one Eric Delko. It was said that Eric and Speedle had been really close to the point that the rumor mill had them linked intimately. But it was all just hearsay and water cooler type gossip, so Ryan didn’t put much weight in it. Although he couldn’t say he blamed anyone for wanting that man, he was stunning. Seeing his opportunity to tell the Lt what he had found out so far, he made his way over to the two CSI’s with what he hoped was an air of confidence.

“Lt I’ve taken the eyewitness accounts and it would seem that the victim was clearly distressed and pushed her way to the front of the bus line.” Ryan said, quickly scanning his notes to make sure that he had not left anything important out. “No one saw if she was pushed or just stepped out in front of the bus.”

“Thank you officer.” the older red head said, looking at him with somewhat of an amused look in his eye.

Walking away from the pair, Ryan sighed a breath of relief that he had managed to face the Lt without even flinching. Now if only his interview later that day went as smoothly.  
__________________________________________________________________________________

Ryan had been a CSI for all of 2hrs before he was handed a case involving another CSI’s father. What he had told Calleigh was true; he didn’t need to prove himself to anyone. He got the job just like everyone else, based on his skills. He was trying to do his job and he did want to impress Lt Caine with his skills and his knowledge that he did know what he was doing. 

Scrapping trace off the wheel well of the silver SUV, he tried to keep his temper down so that he didn’t say something he would regret. After assuring the blonde CSI that he would do everything by the book, and that he did follow the rules, he got back to analyzing his trace.

Getting his results, he grabbed his phone and called Detective Tripp, telling him what he had found. After hanging up, he was a little taken back by his reaction to the voice on the other end. He hadn’t even met the man yet and already there was something about him, that made Ryan’s stomach flip. 

Getting to the crime scene ahead of the detective, Ryan found the source of the orange paint transfer and was quietly checking for any other evidence when he heard a car pull up.

“And here I thought I drove fast.” the deep male voice said, coming from behind Ryan.

Ryan stood up and turned to face the older man and was suddenly at a lose for words. He stared for only a moment before he turned to explain the what he had found from the case. Keeping the older man within his sight, Ryan continued his evaluation of what he thought had happened. Watching the larger man move around and listen to him was a little exhilarating. 

By the end of the shift he had solved the case and got praise from both Calleigh and Lt Caine. The only person he really wanted praise from was the larger, older detective but that was also a little frightening. He was just standing outside the front of the lab and people watching. This was something he could do all day and never get bored. He saw the very man he was unconsciously thinking about coming towards him, and he tried to appear causal while on the inside he was dying.

“Mr. Wolfe, what are you still doing here? I would have thought that you would have been gone already.” Horatio asked, stepping up behind his newest CSI.

“Was just waiting for my ride, Lt.” the young man answered, as his eyes followed the larger form across the parking lot.

“Well then, have a good day and I’ll see you tomorrow.” the red head said as he walked towards the parking lot and his vehicle.

Watching the two older men converse, Ryan sighed and wondered if he would have the courage to approach the daunting older man. The younger brunet didn’t know what it was about this man that made him flush and stammer like a school girl, but whatever it was he hoped that it wouldn’t affect his job. Smiling he walked to the cab that had just pulled up, now interfering with his dreams was a whole other matter.

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there  
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares  
Someone to love with my life in their hands  
There's gotta be somebody for me like that

‘Cause nobody wants to go it on their own  
And everyone wants to know they're not alone  
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere  
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Ryan laid in his new bed, in his new condo and stared at the ceiling. He had finally gotten out of his uncle’s basement and into a place of his own, but he still didn’t feel satisfied. It had been over eight months since he joined Horatio Caine’s team and still he felt like an outsider. The tension at work was sometimes so thick you could cut it with a knife, and at other times it was like he wasn’t even there.

He sometimes thought he had made a mistake in taking the open CSI position, but he wasn’t a quitter and he really enjoyed what he was doing. He just wished his co-workers would at least see him as a person and not as a replacement for someone who wasn’t coming back. The brunet did have to admit that it wasn’t as strained as it had been the first couple months, and at least now Alexx was talking to him without the hint of distain that she had originally had. Even the blonde, Calleigh, was slowly coming around. Now if he could just figure out a way to get past the fortress that both his supervisor, Lt Caine and the Cuban, Eric, had built around themselves. 

There were days when he just wanted to smack the Cuban and tell him that Speed was not coming back and no matter how hard he tried, Ryan wasn’t going anywhere. It didn’t help that Horatio never referred to him as anything but ‘Mr. Wolfe.’ He always felt like he should look over his shoulder to see if his father was standing behind him. He just wished that they would at least give him a chance instead of tossing him out with the garbage before they got to meet him.

Then there was Det. Frank Tripp. Ryan sighed at the thought of the older, larger man. Now if there ever was a person he would like to get to know better it was him. The Texan had an easy going personality that drew the younger man to him, but he didn’t take any crap from anyone either. Ryan had had many a dream about that man, that had ended in having to put clean sheets on his bed before he could go back to sleep.

Ryan had tried on numerous occasions over the last couple months to work up the nerve to ask Frank out for coffee after work, but every time he figured that he was ready to take that step he would chicken out at the last second. He didn’t think that Frank was interested in men, but there were times when they were working together that Ryan thought that someone was watching him. He can’t say for sure that it was the older man, because whenever he had turned to look, Frank was always looking the other way or talking to a witness.

Ryan huffed and fluffed up his pillow again before trying to settle for the night. He was starting to think that things couldn’t get any worse, but he was wrong. His last weekend off he had gone back to Club Desire and ended up going home with a Frank Tripp impersonator, that he could have done without. What he really wanted was the real thing, and he knew that he didn’t stand a chance.

Turning onto his back again, he let the sheet slide down his body so that it rested at his waist. Closing his eyes he imagined that his hand was actually Frank’s as he trailed his fingertips over chest and around his hardening nipples. Moaning softly, he relaxed back into the bed and let his imagination take over, as he had done many times before.

He imagined a larger body covering his, pressing him into the mattress as feather light kisses were rained down on the side of his neck and over his collarbone. Ryan slid two fingers into his mouth and sucked on them, pulling them free once they were wet, before using them to roll his hardening nipples. Gasping at the sensations that were flooding his body, the young brunet unconsciously spread his legs, bending them at the knees. 

Running his hands more firmly down his sides and across his stomach, Ryan made little mewling noises in the back of his throat each time he hit a hot spot. Running his fingers under the sheet, he toyed with his navel, gently tracing around the indent with feather light touches before trailing his fingers along the sparse trail of hair. Skirting his fingers around the curly patch of hair between his legs, Ryan rolled his head on his pillow moaning.

After tormenting himself as much as he wanted, Ryan wrapped his long fingers around the base of his erect penis. Using slow movements, the younger man stoked himself, pretending it was a larger hand on him, flicking at the top of the angry red and weeping head. Letting his hips rise off the bed, he started to slowly push up into his hand.

Knowing that he was close to completion, Ryan sped up his movements, groaning and panting the closer he got. Twisting his other hand in the sheet below him, his back arched off the bed, causing his entire body to tense as he shot creamy white fluid across his chest, calling out “FRANK”, as he did so.

Slowly panting, he came back to his sense with a soft smile on his face, before grimacing at the mess he had made. Stretching one last time, he got up and changed the sheets, dropping them in the laundry before heading for the shower. Climbing in under the warm water, he scrubbed down his chest and groin, wishing that he wasn’t alone. Finishing up, he quickly pulled on a pair of shorts and put new sheets on the bed before deciding that it was a waste of time to try to go back to sleep right now. The brunet headed for the kitchen where he made a pot of coffee and stepped out on to his balcony.

Settling on the lounger, he stared off into the starry night and tried to imagine what Frank would be doing right now if he was there. Would they be sitting together, the older man wrapping his strong arms around Ryan? Or would he be trying to coax Ryan back to bed with whatever means he could. Taking a sip of the lukewarm coffee, Ryan sighed and relaxed into the cushions. He really hated being alone.

Ooh! You can't give up  
When you're lookin' for a diamond in the rough  
Because you'll never know when it shows up  
Make sure you're holdin' on

'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on  
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there  
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares  
Someone to love with my life in their hands  
There's gotta be somebody for me.

Ryan was sitting in one of the empty rooms in the lab, working on cold cases when he had the feeling that someone was watching him. Turning ever so slightly, he caught Frank looking at him and their eyes connected. Smiling at the older man and getting one in return, Ryan turned back to his work wondering what the look had meant.

Ryan had had a long talk with his uncle about how lonely he was, and the advice the older man gave him was to not try so hard. He would find what he was looking for if he would just stop looking. He guessed that was true, because whenever he had looked for something in the past, the moment he stopped looking was the moment he actually found it.

Ryan stretched and rotated his neck, trying to work the kinks out that had taken up residece there. It had been a long day and there had been little in the way of breaks; although the few times he had left the room he had come back to find a mug of coffee or a bottle of water. At lunch he had come back to find a sandwich and a pop. Whoever it was leaving these things for him never left a note as to who it was and only left things when he wasn’t around.

The younger man smiled to himself when he came back from his last break of his shift and found a chocolate bar and a rose left on the table. He picked up the flower and carefully smelt it, noticing that someone had taken the time to remove the thorns from its stem. Putting the flower back down, he picked up the chocolate and opened it, taking a bit. 

He was trying to figure out who his sudden admirer was later that night. It was most likely Alexx, as she was always telling him that he wasn’t taking care of himself. But it was nice to think that someone else was worried about his welfare. It wasn’t that the people he worked with didn’t care, they had slowly warmed up to him in the last few months. They weren’t all that close, nothing like they had been apparently when Speed was alive, but they had mellowed a lot.

Arriving at the lab the next day, Ryan was taken back by the bag of goodies that where attached to his locker. Taking a look around and noticing no one else was there, he unhooked the bag form the hook . Sitting on the bench, he eagerly opened the plastic bag, grinning like a kid at Christmas when he got a look at the items within the bag. He found all his favorites in there: Nerds, assorted penny candies, and his absolute favorite a candied apple. Putting the bag into his locker after pocketing a few of the penny candies, Ryan made his way to the break room to get his assignment for the day.

This little ritual carried on for weeks, with Ryan coming into work and finding a bag of something attached to the front of his locker. Besides the bag of candy on the first day, he also got a CD from his favorite band, theatre tickets to a movie that he had wanted to see and then last week he had gotten a new gym bag after his had gotten torn when it gotten caught on the door of the hummer. 

Ryan whistled as he walked into the locker room wanting to see what his new ’gift’ was today. He knew that Calleigh and Eric had told him that he should process the items to see if he could get any evidence as to who this person was, but he had refused. So far everything had been harmless, and he had promised them that if the items started to get threatening in nature he would go to H.

Seeing a piece of paper attached to his locker, he again looked around and seeing that he was the only one in the room, pulled the paper off to read. He chewed his bottom lip as he pondered the note. It was a simple typed note asking him to join this person for lunch. He wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, but then when he realized that the location was right out front. Putting caution to the wind he decided to do it.

Watching the clock, Ryan felt like the morning was never going to end. It seemed that every time he looked a the clock, the hands hadn’t moved. Finally sighing in frustration, he decided that what he needed was a fresh cup of coffee. The young man was on his way back from getting his coffee, when he saw Frank leaving the layout room where Ryan had been working. Thinking that the older man had information for him from their case, he hurried up to catch him. 

As he passed the open door, he happened to catch something out of the corner of his eye. Slowing to a stop and then backing up, he stared at the small bag that wasn’t there before. Doing a great impression of a goldfish out of water, Ryan watched the retreating back of the detective before going into see what was in the bag. There was no way that Frank was the mystery gift giver, was there?

Ryan sat on the stool, and played with the bag before finally opening it. He once again represented a fish out of water when he saw what was inside. He almost fell off his stool in a hurried attempt to get up and race after the older man. Looking everywhere and asking just about everyone he ran into, Ryan was still no closer to finding him than he was before. Finally taking a look at the clock, he smiled as he realized it was lunch time.

Taking his last gift with him, he dashed across the parking lot to the picnic area for lab personal. He spotted who he was looking for and nearly plowed the older man over when he reached him. Frank smiled and wrapped his arms around the younger man, relaxing when he felt the slim arms around his waist.

“I take it you liked it?” he asked, looking down at him.

“I liked all of them. Thank you, but why did you do it?” Ryan asked as they moved over the an empty picnic table.

“Call me old fashioned, but I wanted to woo you but wasn’t sure how you would respond if I just came out and asked.” Frank said honestly as he brushed a lock of hair from Ryan’s forehead.

“So, what now?” the brunet asked, looking at Frank.

“Now we eat, and maybe see a show tonight.” the older man asked hesitantly.

“It’s a date.” Ryan said, knowing that his was the beginning he was looking for.


	2. Love at First Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Frank's first date

I'm making this one special evening  
Taking a chance in my life  
Hoping you feel the same way as I do tonight  
Just try and look into my eyes  
Don't be scared of what you might see there  
The first time I saw you  
I knew love at first sight must be true, so true, oh so true  
And now I just have to explain why I feel this way  
I feel joy, I feel pain  
You're in my heart and it's tearing me apart  
'Cause I love you, I love you, I love you!

It had been a long week, and Ryan was looking forward to it being over. Well, if truth be told, he was looking forward more to Friday night and his date with Frank than anything else. It had been almost a week since the two men had admitted their feeling but luck was not on their side. 

They had planned on going to a movie that first night, but ended up having a major case, involving some influential people, come in about an hour before end off shift. Then the higher ups demanded that the case be solved before anyone could go home. It had taken them almost 72 hours before it had been solved, and everyone was so exhausted that they just went home to bed.

Frank had called periodically through the week, mostly at night before Ryan went to bed. They had agreed to take it slow and had finally set up a ‘first date’ for the following Friday night. He had been so nervous, and excited that he babbled away to Alexx until she had finally laughed and told him to breathe. 

Walking down the hallway in the lab, Ryan caught sight of the older man and smiled when their eyes met. He didn’t know if anyone knew Frank was interested in men, but being a cop, Ryan didn’t want to put any undue attention on him. Getting a smile in return, Ryan carried on to Trace to see if his results where done yet.

The brunet had been in the layout room for about an hour before he heard the door swish open and the footsteps of someone entering. 

“I’m almost done if you need the room.” he said as he started to put the files back into their folders.

“Don’t need the room.” came the gruff voice from behind him.

Standing up straight, he turned with a smile. “Hey Frank, what can I do for you?”

Smiling back at the younger man, Frank leaned his hip against the table and crossed his arms. “Well, foe starters come here.”

Walking over to the older man, Ryan smiled shyly and stopped right in front of him. “Now what?”

The Texan uncrossed his arms, letting his left hand stroke down Ryan’s arm before pulling him into a hug and placing a chaste kiss on the top of his head. “How are you today?” he asked, ignoring the other man’s question.

“Good, tired but good.”

“You still up for tonight?” he asked stroking up and down the smaller man’s back.

“Wouldn’t miss it. You still want to?” Ryan asked, hating how insecure he sounded.

“I’ll be there, have no doubt of that. Now, how about lunch. I heard from a little birdie that you haven’t been eating properly.” he said, tipping up Ryan’s chin to look in his eyes.

“Been busy trying to solve this case so that I can have the night off.” he said, surprised at the feelings he had about Frank taking care of him.

“Well, I’m off for the next hour and so are you. So let’s go eat and then finish up for the day.” Frank said, standing up and guiding Ryan out the door.

Lunch had been a casual affair, both relaxed and completely comfortable in each other’s presence. They had gone to a small beach side restaurant that was a good 20 minutes from the lab, just so that they could be alone. Afterwards, Frank had driven them back to the lab and gave Ryan a kiss, with the promise to pick him up that night at 7pm. 

The rest of the shift was in a fog for Ryan, and Eric had laughed at him when he caught him staring in a mirror. Now that the shift was over and he was heading home, Ryan found that he had butterflies in his stomach. He wasn’t sure what to expect or what Frank expected for that matter. Would the older man expect Ryan to go home with him afterwards? Would Ryan want too? 

The younger man spent the next couple of hours getting ready for his date. He tried on every outfit that he had at least twice, showered once and redid his hair about half a dozen times. He wanted everything to be perfect, and if he was honest with himself, he wanted to make sure that Frank would ask him out again.

Looking at the clock, he realized that it was almost seven, and he still needed to finish getting dressed. He finally settled on a pair of dark jeans and a light blue t-shirt, with a light colored blazer thrown over top. He had just pulled on his boots when there was a knock at his door. Taking a calming breath, he opened the door and almost died on the spot.

“You…you look amazing.” he stuttered, when he got a good look at his date.

“Was just about to say the same thing about you.” Frank said, letting his eyes roam freely over the young man.

Ryan could only stare at him, taking in the black stretch jeans, navy shirt and leather jacket. He had never seen the Texan in anything other than suits and his uniform, but the picture that he portrayed now was worthy of at least a year of wet dreams, if not more. He unconsciously reached out and ran his hand over the leather arm, while scrutinizing the other man’s pants.

Ryan gave an audible gasp when his eyes took in how the jeans seemed to stretch over a certain part of Frank’s anatomy. Looking up through his lashes when he heard a small chuckle, he blushed and dropped his hand back to his side. Trying to think of something to say, but having difficulty getting his brain to work as all the blood in his head had flooded south.

“Like what you see, baby? Cause I know I do.” Frank said taking a step into Ryan’s condo and enveloping him in an embrace that allowed for maximum contact without feeling trapped.

“Huh?” Ryan asked, as he moved closer, leaning his head on the strong shoulder. “Oh…yeah, definitely like what I saw.”

“Good to know. Now how about we head out to eat.” Frank said, trying to keep himself under control. Just the feeling of having Ryan in his arms was almost enough to over-ride his senses and devour the boy right where they stood. Nevertheless, that was not what Frank had in mind, he wanted to play it right, and he wanted to make sure that their first time was comfortable and not rushed. Moreover, he knew that it wouldn’t be tonight, even if they both wanted it. Getting a nod in response, Frank pulled away and waited as Ryan grabbed his wallet and keys from the table and locked up. 

Walking out to Frank’s car, Ryan whistled under his breath. “Man, this is one sweet ride.”

Frank smiled as he ran a hand over his new Lexus. “Thanks, it’s a 2009 Lexus IS 250 all wheel drive. A little better than the other one I had.”

Ryan walked around the deep red car, admiring the sleek lines and sporty look. Even though it was a four door, it still had the sports car feel to it. “It’s definitely not what I would have associated with you.” he said with a smile.

Opening the passenger door for the younger man, Frank waited until he was seated before going around to the driver’s side. “And what did you think I would be driving?”

“Let’s just say nothing newer than 1995.” Ryan replied with a smile and a slight giggle as he saw the look o Frank’s face.

“I will have you know that I always upgrade my vehicles every couple years.” Frank said with a shake of his head. “At least I drive something other than the lab Hummer.”

“Hey, I don’t think I need to add to the pollution problem. Besides, I don’t live that far from the lab and most days the walk is a great way to wake up. Besides, on days when I‘m on call I get to take the hummer home.” he said, defensively.

Resting his hand on the Ryan’s thigh, Frank smiled as he turned onto the busy street, “I wasn’t judging you.”

Ryan blushed and looked out the window, feeling the heat that was generated by the placement of Frank’s hand on his leg. He sat quietly watching the busy downtown traffic of Miami go by and thin out, until almost 30 minutes after they had left his condo, there was no traffic.

“Ummm…Frank, where are we going?” he asked nervously. It wasn’t that he thought the older man would hurt him, but as they left the busy city behind, he couldn’t help the apprehension that was building in his stomach.

“It’s a little place with a great view of the beach. It’s called Shula’s on the Beach, in Fort Lauderdale.” Frank said, turning onto Beach Blvd. “They have some of the best steaks that I’ve found.”

Relaxing a little, Ryan grinned. “Good thing I’m not wearing white.”

The rest of the drive to the restaurant was done with making small talk about work and just about everything else that was not too personal. Pulling into the parking lot, Ryan had to admit that if the view from the lot was anything like the view from the restaurant, than Frank’s comment about it being ‘great’ was an understatement.

Walking up to the railing, Ryan closed his eyes and let the slight breeze wash over his face. Turning when he heard Frank approach, he smiled at the older man. “If I forget to tell you later, I’m having a great time.”

“You’re welcome and I’m enjoying myself as well.” he responded, leaning against the railing. After quietly taking in the view for a few minutes, Frank wrapped an arm around the brunet’s waist and steered him towards the restaurant. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

After being led to their table, Frank held out Ryan’s chair until he had sat down before taking his place. Waiting for the waiter de to come over to their table, the Texan ordered a bottle of wine and an appetizer of Oysters Rockefeller, before tuning to his menu for the main course.

“See anything that interests you?” Frank asked, looking over the top of his menu at his companion.

“What do you recommend?” Ryan asked, holding back the first thought that came to his mind when Frank had asked that loaded question.

“Well, I always get the Cowboy steak, with mashed potatoes and asparagus. But if that’s too much, there’s always the New York Strip.” he said, taking in the other items on the menu, “but if you don’t want steak, they have chicken and fish. I have heard good things about their Florida Snapper.”

Looking at the items that he had recommended, Ryan had to agree that he would not be able to finish a Cowboy Steak, but the Tuna steak did look appetizing. “I think I’ll have the Yellow fin Tuna Steak Au Pouivre, with mashed potatoes and broccoli.”

“Sounds good.” Frank answered, and placed their order once the appetizer had arrived. Swirling his wine in the glass, Frank leaned back and looked at Ryan, not just a quick appraisal, but also an honest to god look. He liked the way Ryan’s whole face lit up when ever he laughed, and how the younger man’s eyes would sparkle when he smiled. 

He continued to look over his companion, watching as he blushed under the scrutiny. “So, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself, Ryan? Like what did you do before moving to Miami?”

“Not much to tell.” Ryan shrugged, taking a drink of his wine. “I studied chemistry at Boston College, and started to study genetics before going to the Academy. I was born and grew up in Boston, have an older brother who races cars and my parents do they’re thing.”

“What made you decide to come to Miami?” the older man asked, knowing that there had to be more to the story than what he was just told. 

“My Uncle Ron lives here and after a visit decided that I liked it here, no snow.” he said with a grin, not ready to talk about the real reason. “What about you?”

“Well, I wanted to be a firefighter when I was growing up, but after a car accident, I got into crime fighting shows and decided to change my career choice. Went to the academy right out of high school and moved to Miami after I got married. Started in the gang unit before transferring to homicide. And have been here ever since.”

“You were married? What happened?” Ryan asked, hoping that there wasn’t a spouse in the picture.  
“We just fell apart. Her drinking became a big issue and the paranoia that I was cheating on her. At the end, it just wasn’t a good relationship anymore, so we divorced. She still lives in Miami Beach, but we don’t see each other unless we have too.” the Texan said, figuring he might as well be as honest with thee younger man as he could be.

“Did you? Cheat, I mean?” Ryan asked, as he nervously played with the stem of his wine glass. 

Seeing the change in Ryan, Frank realized that someone had probably hurt him in the past, maybe an ex who had cheated. Deciding to clear up any doubt that he might be having, Frank reached across the table and took his hand. “Ryan, I never cheated on her. When I make a promise, I keep it. You can count on that.”

Giving the older man a small smile, he let out the breath that he didn’t know he was holding. “I’m sorry; it’s just that I’ve had experience in the cheating department. I promised myself that I would never find myself in that situation again.”

“I take you weren’t the cheater.” Frank said softly, rubbing his thumb over the back of Ryan’s hand.

“No, I had the unfortunate pleasure of walking in on the person who I thought I loved while he was with someone else.” the brunet said, shaking his head, “that’s the big reason for the relocation.”

“Well, whoever it was didn’t have the slightest clue as to what they where letting go.” the older man said, smiling at the blush that turned his face a slight pink shade.

The rest of their dinner was relaxed, with both men talking about their past and learning about things that they didn’t know about each other from their personal lives. Like that they both loved football, and action movies. By the time it was time for dessert, Frank had regaled Ryan with some stories about the CSI’s that he worked with. 

Catching his breath after telling a story involving Speed, Delko and baby gators, Frank looked over at the younger man. “So, would you like dessert or are you full?”

“We could always share something.” he said hesitantly, looking over the dessert menu.

“What would you like?” the Texan asked, liking the idea of sharing.

“How about the Chocolate Soufflé?”

Ordering the dessert with two spoons, Frank moved his chair around to sit beside Ryan. Putting his arm around the younger man’s shoulders, he nuzzled at his neck, placing a small kiss just below his ear. He smiled against the skin when he got a shiver in response. Pulling back just to thank the waiter, Frank picked up the spoon with some of the decant dessert and held it to Ryan’s mouth.

“I can feed myself you know.” he said, before opening his mouth wide enough for the spoon to pass.

“I know.” was all he said, before spooning up another mouthful for the younger man.

Alternating between Frank taking a mouthful then Ryan, they finished off the entire bowl, with Frank ending it all with a chocolate flavored kiss, that left them both a little breathless.

Leaning his forehead against Ryan’s, he smiled, “ready to head out?”

“Guess we should, I have to work in the morning and it is getting late.” he said quietly, not really wanting to end the night just yet.

“How about you head out to the car and I’ll be right there. Frank said, handing over his keys to Ryan and his credit card to the waiter.

Ryan headed out of the restaurant and unlocked the car, but stood leaning against the hood of it, watching the setting sun play off the waves. This was his favorite time of day, the moment when both the moon and the sun where changing positions. The brilliant colors of the setting sun cast the moon into an almost ethereal plan, making it look like it was translucent. 

Frank stepped out of the restaurant and was caught by the way the colors played off Ryan’s hair, casting him in a glow and creating a halo affect. He had to take a moment to appreciate the site before walking over to the young man. 

“Beautiful, isn’t?” Ryan asked, still looking over the water.

“Most definitely.” was Frank’s answer, although he wasn’t looking out over the water, but rather, staring at his companion.

Feeling the intense stare, Ryan turned and looked at Frank, stepping closer to the taller man. “I was talking about the sunset.”

“It’s nothing compared to you.” he rumbled, as he took the sweet lips in a breathless kiss. Sweeping his tongue over the partial closed lips, he groaned when they parted willingly. Running his left hand up to the back of the brunet’s head and the right hand fell to sit on his waist, Frank had no trouble deepening the kiss or pulling the smaller body into his. 

Ryan was blown away by the way Frank was kissing him; it was all he could do to keep standing. Fisting his hands under the leather jacket and onto the shirt the taller man was wearing; he tilted his head back and let his basic instincts take over.

Frank finally broke the kiss, when he felt Ryan start to tremble. Taking a step back but not letting go of his hip, Frank smiled at the debauched image before him. “Think we should head for home.” he suggested, as he led the still dazed younger man around to the passenger side of the car.

Much to Ryan’s dismay the drive back to his condo seemed to take a lot less time than the drive to the restaurant. Finding himself standing at his door with Frank, the young man once again doesn’t know what to expect. Should he invite Frank in or should he just than the man and let him go?

Finding his courage, he nervously asked the older man, “Would…would you like to come in?”

Smiling at the fidgeting boy, Frank declined. “Not tonight baby. We both have an early morning and I don’t want to rush things.”

“Oh…ok. Then I’ll see you tomorrow I guess.” Ryan said, not sure, if he was disappointed or relieved.

Giving him one last kiss, Frank stepped back and nodded. “Till tomorrow.”


	3. Should've said No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets the last say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: some bad language
> 
> A/N: Song is Taylor Swift’s Should’ve Said No 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them I just play with them

You should've said no, you should've gone home  
You should've thought twice 'fore you let it all go  
You should’ve known that word  
'Bout what you did with her'd get back to me

Ryan was walking the perimeter of their new crime scene, smiling as he thought about breakfast. Frank had surprised him by showing up an hour before their shift and took him out. That had been a surprise, but that had only been one of the many surprises that the older man had lavished on him in the past couple months. There had been the moonlit dinner on the beach, and a day touring Miami as if they were tourists. But by far his favorite had been the night they had spent at Frank’s watching movies and cuddling on the couch. 

Ryan had hoped for more than just cuddling but Frank had stopped before things had gotten to heavy. At first Ryan had thought that it was because the older man didn’t want their relationship to get ‘physical’, but he had proven to Ryan that he did indeed want that, just not yet. Ryan was brought out of his musings by a voice from the past that he didn’t ever want to hear again.

“Ryan? Ryan Wolfe, is that you?” a tall blond called from the other side of the yellow tape.

Turning to look, and hoping against hope that it wasn’t who he thought, sighed when he saw his ex-boyfriend standing there. “Chad?”

“Well, look at you all grown up.” he said, casting an appreciative look over the younger man’s body. “And so handsome in that outfit.”

“What are you doing here Chad?” Ryan asked, walking over to the tape.

“I’m here on vacation and was walking by. So what are you doing?”

“There a problem here Mr. Wolfe?” Horatio asked, coming to stand behind the brunet.

“No H, I was just getting back to work.” he said, turning back to finish his walk around.

“I’m in town for a few more nights Ryan, here’s my number.” the blond said, pressing a piece of paper into his hand. “We should catch up.”

Ryan shook his head and walked back to the crime scene to finish his piliminary walk through. He didn’t know what to make of Chad being there. On one hand it had been over 2 ½ years since he had moved to Miami and moved on with his life. But there was a part of him that was wondering ‘what if’, and that part was screaming loudly in his head that he should give Chad a call later.  
The rest of the shift went by quicker than he wanted, with him coming no closer to an answer than before. He was frustrated about what he was feeling and was surprised that he still felt hurt over Chad cheating, Ryan knew that the new relationship he had started with Frank was what he wanted, but there was still that part of him that always wondered what would his life would have been like if he had stayed in Boston.

Finishing up logging the last of the evidence, Ryan stretched and sighed as his back popped in all the right places. Picking up the box and heading to the evidence locker, the brunet smiled as a certain detective came into view. 

“Detective, what did I do to be graced by your presence?” he asked, nodding at the older man.

Picking up the second box from the table, Frank grinned at the younger man. “Thought I’d see if you where up to going for dinner.”

“That would be my pleasure.” the younger man said signing the boxers into the locker.

“Seeing in the lot then in about 30 minutes?” he asked, leaning against the counter.

“Sounds good. “ Ryan replied, as he headed out to the locker room.

Fifteen minutes later, Ryan was heading out to the parking lot to meet Frank when he pulled up short when he saw who was in the waiting area. Watching as the blond chatted up the receptionist, Ryan sighed and shook his head. It would appear nothing had changed, Chad was still the playboy that he was before. Ryan figured he had always been a player and would most likely always would be.

“Chad, what are you doing here?” he asked, walking up to the other man.

“Thought I would come and pick you up so that we could go back to my hotel. Thought it would be nice to have some privacy to catch up.” he said, taking a step towards the younger man.

“Well, I have plans and they don’t involve you. So if you will excuse me.” the brunet said, as he walked started to walk by. “And how did you know where to find me?”

Shrugging Chad easily caught up to the younger man, “I asked a patrolman at the scene. So what’s so important that you can’t spend a little time with an old friend?”

Stopping outside the lab, Ryan took a deep breath before turning to the other man. “You are not an old friend, you are my ex and I have no plans on being anywhere alone with you. What happened to Charlene, aren’t you here with her or somebody else?”

“That was just a short term thing.” he said, dismissively. “And I came on vacation to get away from the cold. Can see why you like it here.” he added as he watched Eric walk by, his eyes following the Cuban.

“You never changed did you? Still trying to be a player, you probably cheated on everyone you’ve ever dated.”

“Maybe I did, but not once did I ever say that I was committed to anyone.” Chad said in his defense.

“By saying I Love You, makes it a commitment. Do you even know what those words mean? You know what, why am I even giving you the time of day. I have a new life and a new partner that actually likes to spent time with me outside the bedroom.”

“Wait Ryan, I’m sorry. I just thought that when I saw you we could catch up. I didn’t want to make you mad. The thing with Charlene had been a mistake, you were gone and I was lonely. Forgive me?” the blond asked, giving Ryan a ‘little boy lost’ look.

“Fuck no. You should have said no, you could have called me, and you most definitely shouldn’t have fucked her in our house.” taking a deep breath, Ryan caught movement out of the corner of his eye as Frank emerged from the building behind them. “If you had said no, then you might still have me. I used to wonder about all the ‘what if’s’ but I don’t need to any more, once a cheater always a cheater. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date.”

Chad stood back and watched as Ryan smiled at another, older man before heading off to the parking lot. He had thought that when he saw Ryan that morning it was a lucky draw, he thought that he could entice the younger man into coming back to his hotel room and then it would have been easy to get him to spent the night. But he figured wrong, it would seem that Ryan had grown a backbone in the last couple years and he had apparently moved on. Watching the two drive away, he failed to notice the two figures stepping up behind him.

“Can I help you?” a deep male voice asked.

“No, I was just leaving. Do you know if Ryan Wolfe is working tomorrow?” he asked, already formulating a plan.

“Why do you want to know?” the red haired man asked, twirling his sunglasses.

“I’m an old friend from Boston and wanted to catch up with him, and was going to take him out to lunch.” Chad said, smiling hoping to charm the information from one of the two standing beside him.

“From what I heard, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, and my suggestion would be that while you’re still here you leave him alone.” the Cuban said, glaring at the other man.

“You can’t tell me who I can or can’t see. Or Ryan for that matter.” he responded, getting mad.

“Let me put it to you this way. Mr. Wolfe is a part of our family, and a threat to that family will be dealt with accordingly. You are a threat, and I would suggest you leave while you still can.” the red head said, staring at the blond with eyes as cold as steel. Horatio and Eric watched as the blond walked away without saying another word. 

“Think he’ll cause trouble for Ryan and Frank?” Eric asked.

“Not if he knows what’s good for him.” Horatio said, putting his glasses on. “Now let’s go home.”


	4. Goodbye to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets the last say again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song is Michelle Branch’s ‘Goodbye to You’. This is the second part of Should’ve said No.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them I just play with them

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to 

Frank had noticed the heated conversation that Ryan had been having with the large blonde-haired person when he came out of the lab, but didn’t say anything. He figured that if it were important the younger man would tell him, so he focused on the time they were going to be spending together tonight.

“So, what do you feel like eating tonight?” he asked, stopping at a red light.

“I don’t feel like going out tonight.” Ryan answered, looking out the window.

“Oh, ok. You want me to just drop you off at home then?” the older man asked, trying not to sound disappointed.

“Please, I don’t think I’ll be good company tonight.” he said, giving Frank a bad attempt at a smile.

“You want to talk about what’s bothering you?” the Texan asked, trying to get the younger man to open up.

“Maybe later. I just have to sort some stuff out for myself first.”

Nodding, Frank continued the drive to Ryan’s condo in silence. The balding man was trying to figure out if he had done anything to cause the change in Ryan’s behavior. However, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it had to do with the blonde-haired person at the lab. The more he thought about it the more the puzzle pieces started to fall together, he was hazarding a guess but the blond look a lot like the man in the few pictures Ryan had shown him. 

Ryan meanwhile was sitting staring out the car window, trying to sort out in his head what exactly he was feeling. He really did mean what he said to Chad, he did not intend to ever go back nor did he fool himself into believing that the older man had changed. There was no easy answer, and he was starting to get a headache from the worry. Realizing that they had pulled into his complex, he turned to Frank and before he knew what he was doing had pulled the older man into a soul-searching kiss.

Frank was taken by surprise when Ryan kissed him, the younger man had very seldom taken the imitative to start anything, but he had to admit he liked it. Sweeping his tongue across the moist bottom lip, he sighed when the mouth opened and granted him access. Turning awkwardly in the seat, he ran his hands over the younger man’s shoulders and down his sides to rest on his hips, pulling him almost into his lap.

Ryan moaned and sucked on Frank’s tongue letting his hands run up under the detective’s jacket before fisting the front of his dress shirt. This was what he wanted; this was the only person he wanted ever again. Pulling back when he hit the gearshift, he grunted and looked at him with a dazed look. Licking his lips at the lust showing through the brown eyes in front of him, he had a change of heart.

“Want to come in, please?” he asked, hating the way his voice cracked.

Running a fingertip over the kiss-swollen lips, Frank smiled. “Sure, we can order something for dinner.”

Climbing out of the car, Ryan went to unlock his front door, while Frank locked up the car and grabbed a bag from the backseat. Raising an eyebrow at the duffle, Frank laid a kiss on his cheek before entering into the hallway. 

“Is it alright if I grab a quick shower and get out of the suit?” 

“Sure, you know where to find everything right?” Ryan asked, as he put his stuff away and heading for the answering machine.

Nodding Frank headed towards the bathroom, again wondering about the abrupt change in moods. Hopefully Ryan would talk to him during dinner, and maybe he could reassure him that he wasn’t going anywhere, no matter what he had to tell him.

Ryan waited until he heard the bathroom door close and the shower start, before listening to his messages. There were a couple from telemarketers, one from his mom; but it was the last one that had him seeing red. He was glad now that he had invited Frank in, maybe the older man could provide the needed distraction. He erased all the messages, making a note to call his mom on Sunday, before pulling out the take out menus he had in a drawer. He walked down the hall and knocked on the door, hearing the shower shut off.

“What would you like to order?” he called through the closed door.

“Anything is good.” came the muffled response through the closed door.

“How about Chinese then?” the brunet asked, as the door opened to reveal a half naked Frank.

“Sounds good.” he said, smirking at the look on Ryan’s face. “Forgot my shirt in the living room.”

“Don’t…” Ryan squeaked before clearing his throat and trying again, “Don’t need one on my account.”

Smiling Frank walked out to where he had left his bag and put his folded suit inside. “So, you think I should go without?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah, can definitely go without.” the young man said, as he picked up the phone to place their order. 

After being told that it would be about 45 minutes, Ryan turned back to watch the older man as he flicked through programs on the TV before settling on a soccer game. Tossing the remote onto the coffee table, he settled back into the corner of the couch, one leg laying against the back cushions and one foot planted on the floor. Sensing the other’s stare, Frank looked over at him and held out his hand towards him.

“Coming to join me?”

Walking the short distance to the couch, he allowed Frank to pull him down to rest chest to chest, wrapping his arms around the larger man’s torso. Laying his head on the other’s shoulder, he comfortably curled up, relaxing as the large hands traced circles on his back. Being lulled by the motion on his back and the heart beat under his ear, it wasn’t long before he felt himself slowly dozing.  
Feeling the body in his arms grow steadily heavier, Frank continued his ministrations, placing a kiss on the top of his head. Turning back to the TV, he half heartedly watched the match, while listening to the tell tale signs of slumber coming from his partner. Cursing when he heard the doorbell, he quieted the younger man before going to answer, grabbing his wallet on the way to pay for the food they had order.

“Dinner is served.” he said with a flourish, as he took in the sight of a sleepy Ryan. Damn he was adorable, Frank thought, as he watched Ryan stumble to the kitchen to get plates.

“What do you want to drink?” he called from the other room, as he looked through the fridge.

“Got a beer?” the older man called, placing the individual containers on the table.

Grabbing two bottles from the fridge, the younger man headed into the living room, taking his place on the couch next to the Texan. Leaning back to rest against his chest, Ryan picked up a container chicken balls and a set of chopsticks. Settling back, he sighed as he felt Frank kiss his shoulder before resting his chin on it. Getting an idea, Ryan smiled and picked up a piece of chicken and held it out over his shoulder for the older man. The entire meal was consumed in this manner, with one bite going to Ryan and the other to Frank until it was all gone.

“Man, I’m stuffed.” Ryan groused, as he settled further back against the older man.

Running his hands down the covered chest, Frank murmured in agreement. “That was a great dinner. Maybe I should go.” he hedged.

Ryan thought about that for a moment before turning to around to straddle the older man. Chewing on his bottom lip, the brunet came to a discision. “That guy at the lab earlier, he was the reason I came to Miami.”

“Yeah?” the detective said, allowing for the young man to continue.

“He asked me to come by his hotel tonight for old times sake.” he continued, waiting for Frank’s response.

“What did you tell him?” Frank asked, a little apprehensively.

“Told him no. Told him it was over and that when I said goodbye in Boston is was forever.” Ryan said, running a thumb over the full bottom lip in front of him, “And I don’t want you to go home. Please stay the night.”

Leaning forward and capturing his mouth in a deep kiss, Frank let his hands roam over the young body. Moaning and slowly sliding down the couch until the two of them were laying flat, touching from mouth to hip. Ryan could feel the corresponding hard flesh against his as he let his hips roll, earning a groan from the man below him.

Ryan got up reluctantly and held out a hand to Frank, helping him up off the couch. Silently, he lead them down the hall to his bedroom, and to wherever the night would take them.


	5. I melt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: smut
> 
> A/N: Ok, here is a whole chapter at my attempt to write m/m smut….sorry if it sucks. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them I just play with them

When you light those candles   
Up there on that mantle, setting the mood   
Well, I just lie there staring   
Silently preparing to love on you   
Well, I can feel the heat from across the room   
Ain't it wild what a little flame can make you wanna do 

I melt every time you look at me that way   
It never fails, anytime, any place   
This burn in me is the coolest thing I've ever felt   
I melt 

Don't know how you do it   
I love the way I lose it, every time   
What's even better   
Is knowing that forever you're all mine   
The closer you get, the more my body aches   
One little stare from you is all it takes 

Every time you look at me that way   
I melt, I melt

Ryan closed his bedroom door, turning to lean against it as he licked his lips and stared at the other man in the room. Lowering his head, he watched him cross the room towards him through his bangs. He gave a slight gasp as the strong fingers gently tipped his head up to look into the smoldering brown eyes.

Frank didn’t think he had ever seen a more heart stopping sight than the young man standing in front of him. He watched as Ryan licked his lips, lowered his head to look at him through his lashes and a slight blush crept over his neck. The Texan couldn’t wait any longer and walked across the room in about three strides and tipped up the young face to stare into his eyes.

The room felt like all the air had been sucked out as the brunet looked into the brown eyes. Without realizing it, he leaned forward and was met half way by a soft chaste kiss that soon turned passionate. Hands were roaming over bodies, tugging at clothing until both men were in nothing but their boxers.

Pressing him against the door, Frank left Ryan’s mouth to nip and suck down his arched neck before settling on his collarbone. Gripping the muscular biceps, Ryan moaned and tossed his head against the wooden door, unconsciously lifting his one leg to wrap it around the older man’s hip, pulling him closer.

Letting his hand run down his side and then over his hip, Frank caressed every piece of skin he could get his hands on before letting both hands rest on the supple butt. Lifting Ryan off the floor, Frank made sure his hands were firmly holding onto his precious cargo, sighing when he felt Ryan wrap his arms and legs around him. Walking the short distance to the bed, Frank gently laid them down so that he was covering the smaller man with his body.

Placing his body between the thin thighs, Frank sat back on his haunches to slowly pull Ryan’s boxers down, releasing his straining member in the process. Tossing them onto the floor, he leaned forward blowing over the purplish heat before taking just the head into his mouth and sucking gently.

Ryan fisted the sheets and arched his back as the older man went down on him. Normally he was the one doing this to his bed partners, but he was in sweet heaven having Frank do it to him. He tried not to thrust his hips, not wanting to choke his lover. 

Frank placed his hands on the wriggling hips to hold them somewhat still, as he trailed his tongue around the flesh in his mouth. He could tell by the noises Ryan was making that he was obviously enjoying what the older man was doing. Caressing the sensitive flesh at his groin with his thumbs, the Texan slowly pulled away, kissing up the lithe body until he could capture the panting mouth.

Blinding reaching into his night stand, Ryan grabbed a bottle of lube and pressed it into the older man’s hand. Frank took the bottle and placed it on the bed within easy reach as he continued to plunder the mouth that had tempted him for so long. Before long he was panting and rocking his hips into Ryan’s, feeling as the front of his boxers became damp. 

The young man ran his hands down the strong back and under the elastic waistband of his bedmate’s boxers. Slowly working them down until they were finally skin on skin, he gave a slight cry of protest when the older man sat back to remove the offending garment totally. He gave a pleased purr when his human blanket returned, increasing the heat in the room and his body.

Grabbing the lube, Frank coated his fingers as he lay down over Ryan again. Letting his finger trail down the bobbing erection and over the tight balls, he sucked on the small nipples until both were hard and red. He teased at the tight pucker, circling it before gently pushing the tip into the body.

Ryan gasped and arched when he felt the thick finger breach his body. It had been awhile, but the slight burn was a welcome sensation. He fisted the sheets that were beneath him allowing for his body to adjust before pressing back against the fingers that had worked their way into him.

As the balding man added the third and final finger, he sucked hard on Ryan’s throat, knowing that he was leaving a mark for all to see. Twisting his fingers he felt Ryan’s body jerk and a strangled noise come from his throat as he repeatedly hit the small bundle of nerves. He pulled his fingers free just long enough to pull on a condom and add extra lube before stretching over Ryan’s body.

Looking up into the eyes of his soul mate, Ryan traced a finger over his cheek as he panted. Giving a slight nod of his head, he tried to relax when he felt the pressure on his opening, arching his back and gave a silent scream as Frank fully embedded himself in the tight channel. 

The older man had to take a few deep breathes to allow for his partner to adjust but to also give himself time calm down or this would be over before it truly started. Lifting his head from where he had rested it against the smaller chest, he leaned up to consume those red swollen lips as he started to slowly rock his hips.

They started off slowly, but as their passion increased so did their movements until they both had worked themselves into a frenzy. Their movements that had started off slow and gentle had become harder and punishing in their rhythm. Frank was sure he heard the headboard hitting the wall each and every time he thrust into the pliant body below him. 

Ryan felt the tell tale signs of his approaching orgasm and tightened his thighs around Frank’s hips, clawing at his back as though trying to climb even closer. Panting and groaning he couldn’t stop himself as he exploded over their bodies. Feeling the already tight channel clamp down even tighter on his pulsing member, Frank gave a soundless howl as he found his completion inside Ryan.

Panting and unable to hold himself up any longer, Frank carefully pulled out and tied off the condom before collapsing on the bed beside the panting young man. Ryan in turn, rolled so that he could cuddle against the older man’s chest, placing small butterfly soft kisses where he could reach.

Deciding that cleaning up could wait, he pulled the blanket from the end of the bed over them, and settled down for the rest of the night.


	6. Everyday Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a drabble from a moment in time.

Each morning the sun shines through my window  
Lands on the face of a dream come true  
I shuffle to the kitchen for my coffee  
And catch up on the front page morning news  
Then he walks up behind me and throws his arms around my neck  
Just another normal thing I've come to expect

Ryan groaned as the morning sun managed to shine through the one spot that wasn’t covered by the curtain, and onto his face. He smiled, once he was more awake, as he took in the sleeping face of his bed partner. He marveled at the way Frank’s face relaxed when he was asleep, smoothing out the lines from around his eyes and mouth, and how even in a relaxed sleep with one arm behind his head and flat on his back he still managed to keep one hand on Ryan throughout the night.

Slowly untangling himself from both the sheets and the older man, Ryan made his way into the kitchen where the coffee pot had just finished. Pouring himself a cup, he flicked on the TV to watch the early morning addition and get a rundown on what was happening so far. Leaning against the breakfast bar, he inhaled the aroma of the coffee in his hand before taking a sip.

After the first commercial, he was thinking of going and waking the older man when he felt strong arms go around his waist. Leaning back, he sighs as Frank nuzzles at the side of his neck, licking at the bite mark he had put there the night before. Feeling him place his chin on the other’s bare shoulder, to see the TV, Ryan figured that it couldn’t get any better than this.

Every afternoon I make a phone call  
Listen to the voice that warms my heart  
I drag myself through a few more hours  
Then head on home to try and beat the dark  
His smile will be right there when I step through that door  
And it will be that way tomorrow, just like everyday before

Ryan decided that the fates where conspiring against him because everything that could go wrong did. First he got a flat on his way to the lab, making him 15 minutes late. Then Eric got a look at his neck and had teased him endlessly about it, and to make matters worse H had paired them together, so that for the entire day he had to listen to the Cuban’s teasing remarks.

By lunch time, Ryan was ready to throw in the towel. He was on his last pair of pants, as he had caught the pair on the fence when he and Eric had been chasing a suspect. Then he dropped his kit on his foot, getting a giant bruise on the top causing him to limp for the remainder of the day. Taking a seat in the break room, he pulled out his cell phone and hit speed dial. Getting the instant response on the other end, he smiled as all the tension of the last few hours melted away. He closed his eyes and relaxed as he talked about mundane things and how his day had turned out so far. Hanging up, the brunet dragged himself off the couch with more energy than he thought he had and headed out to finish off the day.

Knowing that the older man had had the day off, Ryan headed to his place knowing that all it would take to forget this day would be one look at his smile. Trying not to speed, the brunet made it in under an hour and was parking his new car in the driveway as the front door opened and the person in question stepped out, smiling.

Wouldn't change one single thing about it  
No, it's run-of-the-mill; still I can't live without it  
Can't get enough of this everyday love

Ryan sighed, as he came down from the latest mind blowing orgasm, to rest his head on Frank’s sweaty shoulder. He knew that he wouldn’t change anything for the life of him, and that he could most definitely get used to this.


	7. If I didn't have you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank’s P.O.V on life with Ryan

I don't know what I was thinking  
'Til I was thinking of you  
I don't remember a thing before I opened my eyes  
And you came into view  
I don't know what I was doing  
When there was nothing to do  
Must've been waiting for someone, baby  
Now I can see - I was waiting for you

Frank laid in bed, rubbing the naked flesh of his bedmate, thinking over how much his life had changed. He never realized how lonely he had been until he had met Ryan. Looking back on it now, he could see how he was just going through the motions and not really living. Hell, if he was honest with himself, nothing in his life seemed right until he met the young man who now occupied so much of his life. It was almost as if he had been waiting for that ’someone’ to come and make it all right.

He gave a soft chuckle when he thought back to a couple weeks ago when he had run into his ex-wife at the mall. She had given him the once over and then did a double take, which had caused the larger man to laugh. Apparently, she saw something that made her reconsider walking away, because next he knew she was talking and not yelling at him. She had made a few subtle comments on him looking good and that it was good to see him finally taking care of himself. If only she new. He had thought, as he walked away that day.

Driving myself to distraction  
Until you got in my way  
I was just whistling Dixie 'til you struck up the band  
And they started to play  
I don't know how I was living  
Until you came in my life  
I always knew there was something wrong  
Then you came along  
Baby, you made it right

Frank thought back to all the years that he had wasted drinking, trying to distract himself from the way his marriage had ended and how his kids wouldn’t talk to him. Hell, before Ryan had shown up he had thought about throwing in the towel, but then the brunet came along and he remembered what it was like to live again. He had never felt so complete, even when he was married, than he did when they got together. It didn’t feel wrong in anyway, actually, it felt right, like coming home.

He had always laughed at Horatio when the older man would get all romantic and sappy when talking about his relationship with Eric. Now he could see and feel exactly what H had been talking about. Hell, just the other day he had the red head laughing at him when they had passed a small store and he had to go in and purchase the teddy bear in the window, just cause it was wearing a police uniform like the one that was hanging in Ryan’s closet.

I was alone in the silence  
'Til I was hearing your voice  
I couldn't see my way clear until you parted the clouds  
And you gave me a choice  
I couldn't pick up the pieces  
'Til I was falling apart  
I didn't know I was bleeding  
'Til your love fixed this hole, baby, here in my heart

He would never admit it but he had been lonely for so long that he never recognized the signs of a broken heart until Ryan came along. Thinking back on the last five or six years, it was easy to see that he had been living in a haze that clouded his judgment. He never would have imagined himself as someone to get lost in their own lives that they forgot how to love, but that was exactly what had been happening, until a ray of light pierced him through and started to put him back together.

He knew that after the disastrous way his marriage had ended he had severe trust issues, but then so did Ryan. However, the younger man was just as good as he was at putting things back together and together they had been rebuilding each other. The Texan thought it was unfair to expect the younger man to want to deal with the years of damage he had done to himself, but he had been surprised repeatedly at the resilience that Ryan had. The Easterner had been ore than willing to put the pieces of his broken heart back together, even going so far as to share his when the times got tough.

I'd give up my sight just to see you  
I'd beg, I would borrow and steal  
I'd cut off my hands just to touch you  
And tear out my heart so you'd know how I feel  
There's nowhere that I wouldn't follow  
There's no place that I'd rather be  
This life without you would be hollow  
This love is a gift, and you gave it to me  
All that I am, you have made me  
And baby, I know that it's true  
I'd give it all up in a heartbeat  
Just to spend every moment with you  
There's no place that I wouldn't follow  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
'Cause I wouldn't wanna be me  
If I didn't have you

Frank came to the sudden realization that he would die before giving up what he had with Ryan. That realization shocked him to the core, as he hadn’t even felt like this with his ex-wife while they were married. He tightened his hold on the warm body snuggled against him, and let out a trembling breath before looking down at the sleepy hazel eyes staring up at him.

“I love you.” He said for the first time before claiming the soft lips in a deep passionate kiss.


	8. How could this happen to me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is a terrible thing to waste.

I open my eyes  
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light  
I can’t remember how  
I can’t remember why  
I’m lying here tonight

Frank tried to turn his head, but all that motion brought was a stabbing pain in his neck and shoulder. He couldn't remember exactly what had happened, he knew that he had been driving Ryan home after work so that the younger man could change before they met up with Horatio and Eric for dinner.

The Texan slowly blinked his eyes, trying to stay awake, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so. He could feel the blood as it ran down his forehead, but he couldn't move his arms to stop it. He desperately wanted to make sure that Ryan was alright, but could muster the strength to even call out to him, everything just hurt too much. 

And I can’t stand the pain  
And I can’t make it go away  
No I can’t stand the pain

Frank tried to move again, tried to get into a better position to help elevate the pain that was radiating from the center of his back down. But everytime he moved, the pain intensified and no matter what he did he couldn't make it go away. 

Finally he had no choice but to give into the darkness that was on slowly creeping up on him. He hoped that Ryan was alright, he hadn't heard anything from the passenger's side of the car since the brunet had screamed his name just before the truck had hit them head on.

How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
I’ve got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I’m fading away  
I’m sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me

Frank felt like he was floating, as he stared down at the scene. He could barely make out the rescuers through all the flashing lights and pouring rain. He could see Horatio and Eric racing from their Hummer towards what was left of the detective's new car. 

He watched, helplessly, as the EMT's pulled Ryan from the car and strapped him to the backboard, Eric reaching his side and grabbing the bloody hand as it reached out. Frank was glad that the young man wasn't alone, he would hate for him to have to go through this alone.

The Texan had to admit though, that he was quite pissed at the whole situation. He had finally found happiness and now it was being ripped from him. He wanted to scream how unfair it was, how he had paid for his mistakes and that he just wanted to be left alone to live his life with the one he loved.

Everybody’s screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I’m slipping off the edge  
I’m hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again

A sudden pain instantly brought Frank back to his body. He could hear people yelling, the comforting tone of Horatio, who was sitting in what was left of the back seat of the car, holding his head still. He could hear the EMT's talking to him, telling him that they were starting an IV and then the fire department would be cutting him out. 

He tried to tell them it was ok, that he really didn't feel any pain, but no sound came out. He tried to move, to open his eyes but to no avail. He could barely make out the words the red head was whispering in his ear and the ones he could make out made him want to cry. Horatio was telling him to hold on, that Ryan needed him and that if he died then what would the young man do then.

Frank tried once again to tell H that he was fine, but knew that no matter what, he was not in control this time. He felt as a tear slipped down his cheek, felt when H wiped it away. God, how he wanted to start this day over again.

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
And I can’t explain what happened  
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done  
No I can’t

Frank went back in his mind to all the happy times he had had with Ryan in the last 4 months. To the point in time where he realized that nothing mattered, he didn't have to be perfect and he didn't have to change to be perfect either. He knew he couldn't go back and erase all the bad things he had done, but he also knew what Ryan would tell him if that was the case. The younger man would say that if he did that, then they would never have met, and that was a chance that Frank wasn't willing to take.

The detective groaned, whether it was in his head or out loud he didn't know, as he felt himself be lifted from the car and placed on the backboard. He could still hear Horatio talking to him and holding his hand as he was wheeled into the ambulance. he was hoping that Eric had stayed with Ryan, he didn't want him to be scared and alone. 

How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
I’ve got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I’m fading away  
I’m sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me

 

Frank felt all floaty again, there was no substance to his body. He was watching as they loaded him into the ambulance, and sped off to the hospital. He watched as the EKG machine that they hooked to his brusied chest flatlined. He watched as they tried to bring him back. 

He wanted to scream, "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?"


	9. When you look me in the eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love will make things right.

If the heart is always searching  
Can you ever find a home?  
I've been looking for that someone  
I never make it on my own

Ryan paced the hospital corridor as much as he could, before Eric halted him by placing a hand on his arm. He led the younger man to a waiting chair between Alexx and Calleigh, hoping that they could keep him seated for a bit. The Cuban understood his frustration and worry over his partner, hell, if that had been H in there he would be climbing the walls by now. But Ryan was going to crash soon and when he did he would be in a world of hurt.

The accident that the brunet had been in with the older detective had caused a lot of bruising and a major concussion for him, whereas for Frank the injuries where much more life threatening, seeing as the half ton had hit the driver’s side head on. The doctor’s had all told them, before rushing Frank to surgery that they were lucky he was even alive. Looking at his watch, Eric realized that that had been almost four hours ago, and there was still no word.

Dreams can't take  
The place of loving you  
There's gotta be a million reasons  
Why it's true

Ryan leaned back against the wall behind his chair, and tried not to grimace when his bruised and battered body rejected the idea. He had been devastated when Horatio had told them that Frank had died twice on the way to the hospital and from what the red head had implied, if his heart stopped again it most likely wouldn’t start a third time.

The brunet was trying to keep his emotions under wraps, he didn’t want to break down in front of his friends, but he was having a hard time with it. The thought that he would lose the best dream turned reality was hitting him hard. He knew that if he could see Frank and talk to him, he could give him millions of reasons why the older man should hang on. 

How long will I be waiting  
To be with you again?  
I'm gonna tell you that I love you  
In the best way that I can  
It was six hours, thirty five minutes and eighteen seconds before a doctor dressed in green scrubs approached the group in the waiting room. It had been touch and go the entire time, and still he was listed as critical. There had been so much blood loss and trauma to his head and torso that everything on the inside was bruised. He had a grade five concussion, 3 broken ribs, a shattered left femur, numerous superficial scrapes, as well as over a hundred stitches in various places. And that was the good news, the doctor had explained. The bad news was that he was in a coma, albeit a drug induced one, but they weren’t at all sure if he would wake up from it once they stopped the medication or not.

Watching the doctor walk away, Ryan felt the last of his strength leave him and his legs gave out from under him. Horatio grabbed the younger man before he could hit the floor and guided him back to the chairs. He could here his boss talking, telling him that it would be alright, but he couldn’t really believe it. He had to see his partner, had to tell him he loved him one more time, had to demand that he wake up cause he couldn’t go on with out him. The tears that he had held back for so long fell unchecked as he tried to grasp what life without the older man would be like.

I can't take a day without you here  
You're the light that make my darkness disappear

A nurse came out to let them know that Frank had been settled into the ICU and that they could visit him for only a few moments and only two at a time. The remaining CSI’s decided to give Ryan all the time that was allotted, seeing as this might be the last time he could talk to his partner. Helping him up, Alexx walked with the young man as far as the door to the unit before kissing him on the forehead and praying that he would have the strength to go on.

Entering the curtained off area, Ryan took a deep breath and steeled his emotions against whatever was behind the curtain. Stepping around the edge, his breath caught at the sight of his lover. There were more wires, tubes and machines than man. He knew why they were all there, but it still didn’t help the fact that it didn’t look like the same man that he had gone for lunch with earlier in the day. Bowing his head on the only bare piece of skin he could find, he beg and pleaded with the older man no to leave him alone.

Movin' on, I start to realize  
I can reach my tomorrow  
I can hold my head up high  
And it's all because you're by my side

It had been almost three weeks since the accident and there was still no change in Frank’s condition. He was still hooked up to every machine that they could think of, and Ryan had become a daily fixture at his bed side along with all the machines. The young man continued to talk to Frank, telling him about the latest sport scores, the newest gossip at work and about all the plans he had for when the detective woke up.

There had been times when Ryan would look at the still figure in the bed and tell him all about his life before Frank, and how he didn’t know how he would go on without the support of his partner. He told him how everything seemed better, brighter when he was beside him. How, even after all the gossip and snide comments, he was still able to go to work and do his job because he knew that Frank wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him. 

When you look me in the eyes  
And tell me that you love me  
Everything's alright  
When you're right here by my side

When I hold you in my arms  
I know that it's forever  
I just got to let you know  
I never wanna let you go

Ryan waited by the sidelines as the doctor stopped the flow of medication that had kept Frank in the coma for the past six weeks, now it was a waiting game to see if he would wake up. Once the medical personnel had left, Ryan took up his regular spot by the head of the bed, stroking the bald head with his hand and just talking, asking him to wake up. 

Every hour a nurse would come in to check his vitals, and give Ryan a small sad smile, as if they knew he didn’t want to give up the hope that he would wake up. Ryan refused to believe the doctors and all the specialists that told him not to get his hopes up, that if the older man did wake up he might not be the same person Ryan remembered him to be. 

Wrapping his arms around the detective’s shoulders and placing his forehead against the slightly rising and falling chest he cried, telling the sleeping man that he wasn’t ready to let him go yet, he never wanted to let him go. Ryan told him that he loved him and knew that Frank loved him back by the look in his eyes every time their eyes met. He wanted to see those big brown eyes one more time, even if it was just to say good bye.

Feeling the slight movement under his head, Ryan raised his tear streaked face to gaze into the slightly opened brown eyes that were staring back at him. Smiling the young man leaned forward and placed a light kiss on the dry lips, whispering “I love you.” and sighed when he saw the same emotion staring right back at him.


	10. Keep holding on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both boys need a little reassurance that all is well with each other.

You're not alone  
Together we stand  
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand  
When it gets cold  
And it feels like the end  
There's no place to go  
You know I won't give in  
No I won't give in

Ryan leaned against the railing as he watched the waves crashing against the shoreline. He was trying to get his mind to settle and grasp what had just happened. He had gone to see Frank after work like he had for the past month, and they had had a major blow up at each other. The brunet didn’t know where the anger had come from on either of their parts, but it was there anyway. They had yelled and screamed at each other until the nurses had kicked Ryan out.

He knew they had been walking on thin ice since the accident and neither one was wanting to discuss the accident either. The brunet had been hoping that the older man would be able to get out of whatever funk he was in, but it seemed that it had gotten worse with every passing day. Ryan fingered the edge of his cast as he thought about his life before that fateful night and what it was like now.

Ryan had a long talk with Speed and Eric over drinks, the other night and the two had been great about letting him vent his frustrations. He didn’t know what was wrong nor did he know how to fix it, but both older men had been helpful in giving him some advice about it. They both had been adamant that he let the detective know that he would be there for him and that he wasn’t alone. And that’s what he had done, and that’s what had started the fight.

So far away  
I wish you were here  
Before it's too late, this could all disappear  
Before the doors close  
And it comes to an end  
With you by my side I will fight and defend,  
I'll fight and defend

Ryan hugged his light jacket closer to his body as the wind whipped off the water with a light mist, dousing his hair lightly. He sighed as he tried to figure out how to fix this fight and he didn’t think a simple apology would work. He did know that he wasn’t about let what they had fall by the way side because the Texan was too stubborn to get over his own pity party. Heading back to the where he had parked, he decided that he needed to get a bit of advice from Horatio before heading back to confront Frank. 

After his coffee with the red head, Ryan felt that he had a better understanding on how to handle Frank. The brunet had learned a lot about his partner and was hoping to use it to his advantage. He had parked in the lot and headed up to Frank’s room, stopping in the gift shop to purchase a bear with a get well shirt. Taking a deep breath, he headed for the elevator and then into Frank’s room, after the quick stop at the nurses desk to apologize for his earlier behavior.

Entering the darkened room, Ryan smiled at the ‘little boy’ look his sleeping partner portrayed. Frank was laying curled on his side with his knees pulled as close to his chest as he could. Laying the bear on the nightstand, he lowered the bedrail before taking a seat beside the sleeping older man. Running a hand over his bald head, Ryan sighed and thought about what his life would be like without this man in it.

Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Rubbing Frank’s back, the brunet took a deep breath before starting to talk to the sleeping man. “I know you’re scared, but so am I. But I want you to know that I will always be here, there is nothing you say or do that will send me packing. The accident wasn’t your fault, so don’t blame yourself for anyone getting hurt. Horatio said that you told him you didn’t think you deserved to have what we have, but you do. You of all people need everything we have together. One of things that you need to know is that I will be by your side, I will help you fight your demons, that if you can’t be strong then lean on me and I will be strong for the both of us. I will always be here for you, so please hold on and don’t push me away. I need you just like you need me and together we can make it past all this and more.”

Ryan gently stretched out behind Frank and wrapped his arm over the covered waist, placing a kiss at the nape of his neck. “I will always be here, just lean on me.”


	11. Your body is a Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut

We got the afternoon  
You got this room for two  
One thing I've left to do  
Discover me  
Discovering you

Frank raised himself up on his side, careful not to wake his bedmate. He had just had a clean bill of health from his doctor, although not cleared for work yet; everything else had been given a green light. Using one arm to prop himself up, he used the other hand to brush the hair from Ryan’s forehead, tracing his brows with the tip of his finger.

He gently traced the frown crease that had found itself imbedded in the young man’s face until the muscle had relaxed again. The older man continued to trace over the prominent features that he loved so much, down the strong jaw towards the sensitive neck and onto the somewhat protruding collarbone. ‘Had he always been this skinny?’ Frank worried, when his hand continued down to caress the ribcage as Ryan made a small mewling sound in his throat.

Frank smiled gently at the young man as he stretched, causing the blanket to drop to rest at his hips. The detective continued his exploration of the young body in front of him. He let his fingers run over the taut stomach before running them through the light dusting of hair that traveled under the sheet, but stopped from going under it. He wasn’t ready to explore there just yet.

One mile to every inch of  
Your skin like porcelain  
One pair of candy lips and  
Your bubblegum tongue

He marveled at how flawless Ryan’s skin was how delicate it looked and felt. Although Frank was quite certain a part of his anatomy would be in danger if he ever told the younger man that he was delicate. He traced a finger tip over the full lips, the lips that he loved to feel as they traveled over his body and he gave a slight gasp as the little pink tongue licked at his finger tips. 

Looking down into sleepy eyes, Frank smiled as he leaned down to capture that captivating mouth. Keeping the kiss soft but passionate, he licked and nipped at the brunet’s bottom lip before sweeping his tongue inside the warm cavern. He continued to explore his mouth, sucking on his tongue and playing a gentle battle of tag as Ryan would slip into his mouth before being pushed back. 

Frank continued to kiss, nip and suck as his hand caressed the soft hair on the pillowcase, trailing in down the sensitive neck, breaking the kiss to follow with his mouth. Smiling as the younger man gave a low moan and arched his back into the caress.

'Cause if you want love  
We'll make it  
Swimming a deep sea  
Of blankets  
Take all your big plans  
And break 'em  
This is bound to be a while

Moving around so that he could continue his exploration, Frank pushed the blanket lower down Ryan’s hips. Ryan moaned and gently rolled his hips against Frank’s chest, trying to get the older man to go lower towards where he wanted. Frank swirled his tongue around one dark nipple before gently biting down on it, causing Ryan to gasp and lift his chest into the bite.

Soothing the hurt by licking it, Frank moved on to the other one before moving lower, leaving little red marks down the pale skin as he went. He marveled at the taste and smell of the skin, at how easy it was to mark and the reactions that each mark gave him. Moving down the young body, Frank by passed the hard, leaking shaft and continued on his way down the inner thighs, marking them with the same bites that he had left on the pale chest.

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face  
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase  
You tell me where to go and  
Though I might leave to find it  
I'll never let your head hit the bed  
Without my hand behind it  
Looking up along the trembling torso, Frank smiled at the debauched angel that was laying in wait for him. Ryan’s hair had grown out a little, so that his bangs would fall in his eyes when it wasn’t gelled; he gave a groan when the young brunet arched his back as he re-settled himself on the pillows at the head of the bed. 

Frank moved back up beside him and let his hand trail up his leg with butterfly soft caresses, not letting his touch become too heavy. He watched the hazel eyes close in ecstasy, and his partner’s breath start to come in little pants the nearer he got to his groin. Frank watched the play of emotion going over the young face, wishing he could read the other’s mind to see what exactly was causing those little noises and making those small faces. 

you want love?  
We'll make it  
Swimming a deep sea  
Of blankets  
Take all your big plans  
And break 'em  
This is bound to be a while

Frank moved to settle between Ryan’s splayed legs, letting their erections brush ever so lightly, causing them both to gasp at the sensation. Not wanting to rush, the older man continued his assault, by leaning forward and capturing Ryan’s mouth again, slowly rocking his hips against the younger man’s

Ryan groaned into the kiss as he wrapped his legs around Frank’s waist, running his hands over the detective’s back. How he wanted this to last all night, but knew that Frank wasn’t ready for any long love making sessions yet, but he was thankful that the older man was still around to make love too. Ryan lost all train of thought as Frank wrapped a hand around his aching member and started stroking it with too soft strokes.

Your body Is a wonderland  
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)  
Your body Is a wonderland

Frank reached over with his free hand and grabbed the lube, not once losing the rhythm he had started. Coating his fingers, he reached under the young writhing body to find the hidden treasure that awaited him. He started to press into the tight opening when he was suddenly rolled onto his back with a grinning Ryan staring back at him with large, dilated eyes. Grinning back Frank slid his finger into the young man and watched as Ryan through his head back with a groan.

Slowly Frank prepared his partner, relishing in all the noises he made, before pulling his three fingers free. Resting his hands on the slim hips, the Texan helped position the young man over his weeping cock before letting him lower himself. Both had to wait a few moments to catch their breaths, one due to the full sensation he was experiencing and the other because of the tight heat the engulfed him. Once they were under control again, Ryan started to rock slowly until Frank gave a huff and pressed up into him, catching his prostate, he gave a cry and leaned forward to change the angle of entry. 

Moving faster, Ryan again sat back and gripped Frank’s wrists as they still were holding his hips. Letting go of the young body, Frank tangled their fingers together while Ryan raised and lowered himself, adding a twist as he came down. Staring into each others eyes, they petted, and touched every piece of available skin that they could reach, saying through those touches how much they loved each other.

Damn baby  
You frustrate me  
I know you're mine all mine all mine  
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

Feeling his climax approaching, Frank wrapped his fingers around the stiff shaft in front of him, stroking and pulling hoping to bring his partner over the edge with him. Letting out a loud moan, Ryan squeezed his inner muscles around Frank, bringing the older man with him into the abyss as he collapsed onto his heaving chest.

Running his hands over the trembling back, Frank kissed the sweaty temple and said the only thing that his sated brain could think of.

“Mine.”


	12. If today was your last day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets asked a question that makes him think.

Ryan Wolfe was trying to make sense out of his latest crime scene. It hadn’t been all that gruesome or gory by his normal standards, but it was still sad. It had been a senseless crime and even more senseless death, the victim was an average Joe who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

“Makes you think.” Came the deep male voice from his right.

“What do you mean Delko?” Ryan asked, as he grabbed his kit and proceeded to follow the other man.

“Well, I highly doubt that he got up this morning thinking it would be his last day.” Eric replied. “Just makes you think, that’s all.”

Ryan stopped at that, and realized that Eric was right. No one got up in the morning thinking that it would be their last. ‘Well unless you had planned it that way.’ He thought as he watched the black body bag being loaded into the back of the coroner’s van. 

The rest of the day, Ryan spent in a dream like state, with the thought circling through his thoughts constantly. ‘What if today was my last day?”

My best friend gave me the best advice  
He said each day's a gift and not a given right  
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind  
And try to take the path less traveled by  
That first step you take is the longest stride

Noticing that the younger man seemed lost in thought, the red head took a moment to step into the lab to see if he could help with whatever it was causing the frown. “Mr. Wolfe, something bothering you?”

“What? Oh, hey H. I was just thinking about something Delko had said earlier at our scene.” Ryan answered, blushing slightly at being caught lost in thought.

“And what did he say that has you perplexed?” Horatio asked, smiling at the stunned look on Ryan’s face. “And yes, I do know what that word means.”

Ryan chuckled softly before turning serious again. “H, you ever wonder when it’s gonna be your last day?”

“Mr. Wolfe, I live each day as it is my last, for I don’t know when it will truly be my last day. With this job, the end is always just around the corner.” And with those departing words, the red head headed out, slipping his sunglasses on to cover the haunted eyes that had seen more than they wanted.  
Against the grain should be a way of life  
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight  
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try  
So live like you'll never live it twice  
Don't take the free ride in your own life

Ryan worked the rest of the morning on the case until his stomach reminded him that he needed to take a break and grab something to eat. Deciding that he was actually going to get some real food, he headed out to the local deli on Ocean Drive. 

Stopped at a stop light he turned his head and caught a glimpse of a group of teenagers. They were most definitely not what he would have ever seen at their age, with all their piercings, tattoos and lots of flesh but in an instant he realized that they were living their life how they wanted. Going against what society thought they should be, wear and think. 

Once that thought enter his mind, it seemed that everywhere he turned he could see people living their lives, going on about their business as though nothing was wrong in the world. Had they all come to terms with their last days? Did they have any regrets about things that they hadn’t done and still wanted to do before they died? 

If today was your last day  
and tomorrow was too late  
could you say goodbye to yesterday?  
Would you live each moment like your last?  
Leave old pictures in the past  
donate every dime you have?  
Would you call old friends you never see?  
Reminisce old memories  
would you forgive your enemies?  
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?  
Swear up and down to God above  
that you finally fall in love  
if today was your last day

Sitting on the patio with his lunch, Ryan started to think about his own life, and all the things he still wanted to do. There were a couple friends from patrol that he had been meaning to get a hold of, since he had transferred to the lab. He knew that he still wanted to go back to Boston to introduce Frank to his family and show his partner where he had grown up. If he were to get hurt or even killed would his family accept Frank as his grieving partner? Hell would Frank’s family accept him, for that matter? 

Deciding that he had ruined his appetite enough with all the melancholy thoughts, he wrapped up what was left of his lunch and headed back to the lab. Eric had definitely made him think and he wasn’t sure if he should thank the Cuban or shoot him.

If today was your last day  
would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?  
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars  
Regardless of who you are  
So do whatever it takes  
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life  
Let nothin' stand in your way  
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

Ryan entered the lab and headed for the break room intent on putting his leftovers in the fridge, so that they wouldn’t spoil. He spotted Frank in the lobby and smiled in response to the bigger man’s wave. He had moved to Miami to get away from a bad break up and had thought that he would never find someone else to love him. The revelation that he could mend his heart and that of another was enormous. When the two had finally gotten together it was as though all the past bad things were made right by the one good thing. 

Smiling to himself, Ryan glanced over his shoulder to see Frank still standing there talking with Natalia. He was glad that he had ignored the calls from his ex and the advice not to approach the older man. If he had listened then he knew that he would have regretted it for the rest of his life, until his last day.

If today was your last day  
and tomorrow was too late  
could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Hearing the call go out about an officer, Ryan’s blood turned cold as he ran into the scene as part of the backup unit. Frank had been inside when the first shoots ran out and it seemed like an eternity before the shooter had been found, cuffed and dragged out to awaiting police car.

Turning to see who it was that had been hurt; he felt his legs tremble as he watched a paramedic working on Frank’s arm. Walking on shaky legs until he was standing in front of the older man, he waited until their eyes met before stating in a somewhat shaky voice.

“This is NOT your last day.”


	13. The Best day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank gets an unexpected Father’s Day gift from his daughter.

Frank sat back in his recliner and watched as his partner headed off to work. It wasn’t very often that one would have the day off without the other but when it did happen the older man would just grin and bear it. He had planned on heading over to the shooting range to get in some practice but Ryan had forbidden him from doing anything that even came close to resembling work. The younger man had commented that since it was Father’s Day and that Frank was indeed a father, he had the right and pleasure of having the day to do with as he saw fit. Ryan had seen the haunted look in his partner’s eyes the last couple days whenever he had looked at the calendar. 

The younger man had wrapped his arms around the broad shoulders and hugged him tightly while whispering in his ear that if his children where dumb enough to let him go then they were at fault, not him. It still hurt the older man, even after all these years that his children never made the effort to call or see him. It wasn’t like he didn’t still send presents for their birthdays and at Christmas, but nothing was ever sent the other way. So it was an even greater shock that when he went to grab the mail from the box at the end of the driveway to see a box with a return address from his daughter.

Carefully taking it back into the condo, he noticed it was no bigger than a CD and had been stamped with the word ‘FRAGILE’ on both the back and front. Looking over the other mail and noticing a couple bills that would have to be paid later and a few flyers that he immediately tossed into the recycle bin before grabbing a coffee and heading into the living room with the small brown package. Deciding that he had put off opening the small box for long enough, he took a deep breath before pulling the tape off and grabbing at the folded piece of paper that fluttered out as he stared at the silver DVD in the case. 

Opening the letter, he saw that the directions were quite clear. It simply said, “Watch the video.” So turning the TV and DVD player on, he popped the small disc into the tray, laughing at himself when he noticed his hands were shaking slightly. He didn’t know why he was having this reaction, it wasn’t like it was going to kill him or anything, and it was a simple video. Pressing play as he got comfortable again, he heard the first strain of a country song that he had heard a few times on the radio, but what got him were the photos on the screen. 

I'm five years old  
It's getting cold  
I've got my big coat on  
I hear your laugh  
And look up smiling at you  
I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch  
And the tractor rides  
Look now -- the sky is gold  
I hug your legs and fall asleep  
On the way home

On the screen were the pictures of when his baby girl had been about 4 years old and he had taken her to the local farmer’s market to pick out a pumpkin for Halloween because her brothers had come down with a cold. It had been the first time she had seen a tractor and he remembered placing her up in the driver’s seat and snapping a picture, the same picture that was on the screen before it changed to an autumn picture of their home back when life was simple.

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall  
I know you're not scared of anything at all  
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away  
But I know I had the best day  
With you today

There were more pictures, slowly moving to the music as a slideshow, all had the same theme and some he thought were lost to him when he divorced his wife. There were school pictures, sleepy pictures, birthday photos and just plain family moments that someone had managed to capture on film for all eternity.

I'm thirteen now  
And don't know how my friends  
Could be so mean  
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and drive  
Until we've found a town  
Far enough away  
And we talk and window-shop  
Until I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to  
Now at school  
I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you  
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay  
But I know I had the best day  
With you today

He smiled through his tears as the next set of pictures grazed across the screen. It had been a rough year, marked by the beginning of the downfall of his family. He had taken her to a small backward town about two hours away when her friends had decided that because she hadn’t wanted to try out for cheerleading and that lead to many words being said that had almost crushed her spirit. There were pictures of her new outfit that they had bought that day as well as a picture of him sticking his tongue out with his eyes crossed.

I have an excellent father  
His strength is making me stronger  
God smiles on my little brother  
Inside and out  
He's better than I am  
I grew up in a pretty house  
And I had space to run  
And I had the best days with you

As the chorus played again, Frank couldn’t hold back the small chocked sob that had been lodged in his throat since the video had started. There were pictures of him holding his newborn babies, their first birthdays, first steps, and first days of school and teaching them to drive. This was what he missed the most, the connection that he had made a difference in their lives, they were his family.

There is a video  
I found from back when I was three  
You set up a paint set in the kitchen  
And you're talking to me  
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships  
And the seven dwarfs  
Daddy's smart

And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world  
Now I know why all the trees change in the fall  
I know you were on my side  
Even when I was wrong  
And I love you for giving me your eyes  
Staying back and watching me shine

There were snap shots of school reports, finger paintings that he remembered had been hung on their fridge until the paper had started to turn yellow. The school pageants and recitals that he had to miss due to working or some other reason that had kept him away from where he wanted to be. 

And I didn't know if you knew  
so I'm taking this chance to say  
that I had the best day  
with you today 

Frank tilted his head back and rested his head against the head rest as the tears coursed down his face, not even attempting to stop them. This is what he missed and wished for more than anything, a connection with his family; not saying that Ryan wasn’t a part of his family, but it was different when they were your own flesh and blood.

He started when the front door opened, knowing that it was too soon for Ryan to be home from work. The tears started again when he got a glimpse of his little girl all grown up smile back at him as she stood in the door. Getting up from the chair, he barely made it to the door to wrap his arms around her before breaking down completely. Feeling the familiar hand run over his back, he turned slightly to see Ryan smile a watery smile back at him.

“You can thank me later, big guy.” He said, as he headed into the kitchen to start lunch, giving the two some privacy.

“Happy Father’s Day, daddy.” She whispered against his ear as they embraced and cried.

“It is now, darling.”


End file.
